36 Shopping days left!

So how are we doing so far? I'm checking in with 8 days until Turkey Day and 36 days until Christmas to report that while I still feel overwhelmed, I've been successful in toning down/cutting back/simplifying my Holiday process. I'm also happy to report that I have yet to beat myself up internally about not keeping up w/the image of that "perfect" Christmas that the media and marketing folks love to portray on every single television ad out right now. I admit, as silly as it seems, that when I saw those ads flash across the screen with the perfectly clean kitchen, warm Christmas cookies on the counter, and a perfectly dressed happy family of models who most likely don't even know each other in real life....I would allow those images to feed my anxiety of trying to create such a wonderfully perfect holiday. You the best part of this little experiment I'm doing this year?

Letting go of that image I had in my head of a perfect Christmas, and allowing myself to focus on what is really important has made me see that I've already been creating my own version of that image all along! I started to realize that some of the little quirky things I've done w/my kids their whole lives at Christmas have become traditions. Like giving them a pair of new, warm PJ's every Christmas Eve just before they go to bed. They've come to not just expect these things, but I've learned my son actually would be upset if the traditional PJ gift didn't happen. Another realization I had is that while I've been rushing around like a crazy woman every Christmas Eve trying to cook and prepare for the whole family to come to my house after church that evening, that I've created the "chili" tradition (I make a huge batch of homemade chili w/all the fixins) So while I never set out to create traditions by doing these things, and they may have been born out of simple cost cutting reasons, I unknowingly have started some of my own family traditions that mean something to others and warm their hearts during the Holiday Season.

I hope everyone allows themselves some quiet time to look up, take it all in, and appreciate their version of the perfect family holiday and let go of any images or standards they have put upon themselves or that others have put upon them this Holiday season....When I allowed myself to do this I was so pleasantly surprised to find I already have the ideal family Christmas. My children are healthy, my family-as crazy as they can be sometimes- comes together, good food is enjoyed, and even if it is for one day....all is right in my world.

Can you feel it? That chill in the air, the sunset coming a little earlier each day, the beautiful leaves falling from the branches they've called home all summer long...and oh yeah...the major anxiety because you haven't gotten your kids Halloween costumes yet, you know you'll be up until midnight making cupcakes for their school party, you just heard your husband's family might be coming into town for Thanksgiving and every store you walk into already has their Christmas decor out which makes it clear to you that you haven't even thought about Christmas shopping, or Santa, or who is hosting the Holiday dinner.....Fa La La La La.....

Yep-we're coming up on what in my life is the MOST stressful time of the year. In my family what I've labeled as "birthday season" also starts in October and continues through Feb so on top of the holidays I am bombarded with not only my children's birthday parties, but also extended family members birthdays and let us not forget the tons of kids party invitations in my children's backpacks each week. I'm getting tense just talking about all of this!

So this year I'm going to change things up a bit and I'll tell some of what I'm planning to do in hopes it will spark some ideas about simplifying the Holidays for you and your family too.

First, I'm going to mentally and emotionally let go of the image in my mind and in my heart of the old fashioned Southern Christmas that I grew up with and accept the fact that times have changed and that there can still be traditions that mean a lot to my family, but they may not include biscuits and desserts made from scratch! I'm going to utilize all of the wonderful resources close to me including pre-made veggie trays, fresh baked bread from the bakery (not my oven), etc. I'll still have all of the same delicious food we always have, but the process of how it gets to the table will be much more simplified and streamlined.

Secondly, I've always been "that person" who starts shopping for Christmas presents in June, however, the problem with that is that when I'm done, I don't stop shopping. I'll see something that "Aunt so and so would just love and I know I already have something for her but...". This leads to extra gift to wrap, and possibly ship out, etc. So this year I have a FIRM line drawn through each person that I have a gift for already and so far I've been good about not making additional purchases. This is a double benefit in that it will make less work for me plus force me to spend less on the holidays in general.

A third change I'm making this year is to inform all of our extended family that we will not be rushing around in the snow this year to be at their houses by a certain time, that I want to take the entire morning into the early afternoon at HOME with my family. I refuse to yell at my poor kids this year to hurry up and get dressed and put down that toy that Santa just brought you because we are late-we have to get to Grandma's house ASAP!!

So, I am hoping these small changes lead to a greatly reduced stress load over the holidays this year and I also wish you and your family a calm, peaceful, and happy holiday~

Hello again! No, I have not dropped off the blogging face of the earth...just been a wee bit busy so I am gushing over with things to tell you about. The first of many big events in my life over the past few weeks is that I treated myself to competing in my 2nd duathlon....yep, you heard that correctly, I treated myself. For those of you who may not find training 5 days per week for an endurance type of race treating yourself well...let me explain.

For me, competing in races throughout the year fulfills many of the things that I've talked about in this blog over the past few months. Helping others/taking care your health/focusing on "me time", etc. Training and entering a race ties it all up into one feel good package. During training you're more careful about your workouts, your diet, getting enough sleep, etc. I especially love the fact that I do these races with an incredible group of strong confident women. So early morning training runs followed by a stop at Starbucks makes it 50% training and 50% social which covers the "spending time w/other women". When you pay your race fee, normally some or all of it will go to a charity (I try hard to stay away from "for profit" races) so you're giving to an important charity which covers the "giving to others" part of it. I also get to look forward to the intense feeling of accomplishment after I've finished a race that was a challenge, or one I've never done before. Even when I feel I could have shaved another few minutes off my time, I still get to enjoy the sense of accomplishment.

If you're reading this and saying "Yeah but my version of a workout is speed typing on a keyboard", you STILL are a perfect candidate to enter a race. There are tons and tons of local opportunities to get out there and walk/run/bike/swim to the finish line at your own pace. check out www.active.com and look for local events in your area. If I still haven't convinced you that you CAN enter any race you'd like, then think about volunteering at a race that interests you just to scope it out, but be sure to follow up and enter it as a competitor next year! So go girls! Get out there and race for your cause, your passion. If the cause/charity you are passionate about doesn't have a race then go to them and start an annual 5K! You can do this-and trust me, your well being, health, and spirit will thank you at the finish line!

Oh boy- It's back to school time

Yep- it's time for books, backpacks, buses...oh my! I'm writing this week about an unexpected life change I experienced almost one week ago when my youngest started kindergarten and my oldest started 2nd grade. Of course I knew in my mind that they would both be in school five full days per week for the first time and I wouldn't be juggling work on top of a preschool and elementary school schedule....but it really hit me at approximately 1pm on their second full day of school. It was a day of the week I normally work from home, I'd finished a busy morning of emails, calls, etc then went for a run over "lunch".....only to return to my home and realize I STILL had an hour and 1/2 before they were to be picked up.

This is when the all of the sudden, as if it weren't there before, the quietness of the house became apparent, then the realization that everything I'd picked up in the morning after they left stayed picked up, after that a very strange/new sensation came over me. A sensation of getting a tiny taste of freedom in the form of having nobody to answer to for the next hour and 1/2. My skin actually tingled. I know many of you without kids are reading this thinking, what in the heck is she freaking out about? All I can tell you is that as a busy working mother who manages everything that I do while living at warp speed, I've haven't felt that sense of freedom since I was in my 20's-(and I'm not saying how long ago that was). I think I was so caught up in the tears over my baby starting kindergarten, labeling school supplies, and the nerves over hoping my 2nd grader got the teacher he wanted that it never crossed my mind that on those coveted days I work from home I'd be....you got it....alone. Yes! I have myself all to myself for a few precious hours a week and it is strange, thrilling, and overwhelming all at the same time. The overwhelming part of that emotion comes from having sooooo many things I'd love to do and not knowing where to start. So for the first couple of weeks I'm going to use that time to work out harder/more often and catch up on household administrative "stuff". After that I have wonderful visions of reading, writing, taking time to market my side work that I enjoy, and maybe catching up with friends too. One thing for sure- it's a life change and it's also a HUGE opportunity to use that time to improve myself and treat myself well..... and you can bet I'm going to utilize every little minute of it!

Cheers to all the moms out there who have experienced this, who have been living with this bit of freedom for years already, and also for all the moms with tiny ones who can't even imagine the feeling of having all of your kids in school for 6.5 hours, 5 days per week:)

The Law of the Garbage Truck

Some of you may have seen an email going around about "The Law of the Garbage Truck". If you look back on the very first blog I wrote I mention that you need to avoid those who gush toxic negativity into your world. This email which was sent to me this week caught my attention because the story goes on to tell about a driver who is almost hit by another vehicle by no fault of his own, only to have the driver of the other vehicle yell at him after the near miss! His reaction was to smile (not sarcastically, but sincerely smile) and wave, then move on. When asked how he could just "blow that off" like he did he explained that many people are like garbage trucks; they run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets. I also think this is an excellent analogy to share with any kids in your life about the value of being kind to others. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... 'Love the people who treat you right. Pray for the ones who don't.'

Let's Unplug and Unwind

Maybe it's the beautiful summer weather, those warm evenings that just seem to be made to linger into a stargazing session at dark, or I think it is also that the TV is off more than on during this time of year in my house and I cherish that--whatever it is, my mind has been consumed recently with unwinding. I honestly don't think anyone realizes the inner peace and quiet they can experience when they unplug from the TV, computer, and all of their other gadgets. I'm one of those uncool moms who don't allow video games in my house and limit TV time for my kids. I'm sure my kids think I do this just to torture them-for the thrill of it, but no.... I do it because I see the multiple positive results of them being AWAY from the TV. I see it in myself too, that by just simply taking time to sit still outside and listen...to the birds, the breeze through the leaves, the sounds of kids laughing as they play with pure joy and delight...it feeds my soul and expands my mind.

I've also been listening to myself a little more lately. Just last night, after a full and stressful day at the office then a hard run at the gym I was so exhausted I could barely move by the time dinner was done. Instead of pushing and pushing I just allowed myself to listen to what my muscles were saying (which was REST you idiot!) and cuddled w/ the kids, sat outside and enjoyed the warm summer air, and gave my poor mind a much needed rest.

I don't want to get on top of my soapbox about how much I dislike TV and what it's doing to our kids and ourselves in America - but instead I really want to focus on treating yourself well by unplugging completely - and not having a plan or place to rush off to- just turn it all off and see what happens. Every time I do this I'm reminded about how great you can feel and the peace that can be experienced by shutting out the noise. ahhhhh Whoever reads this and tries to unplug for a full day or even one night at home, I hope you'll add a comment and let me know how it went.

You can only give what you have to give

Hi everyone, I haven't written in a couple of weeks due to vacations & obligations but I have tons on my mind and continue to keep up the conversations with other women about how they treat themselves well.
Are you feeling depleted? The motto of the past two weeks for me have been that "You can only give what you have to give". I know I wrote a blog about how giving to others is another way to treat yourself well, but I didn't go far enough with that. If you don't have it to give- it won't manifest in a way that feels like you're treating yourself well. I know this all too well--as a person who constantly loves to give (I really do enjoy it and give from an open heart to family, friends, etc) I've found myself caught in that vortex of giving and not paying attention to myself. I've learned- and had to practice a great deal the past two weeks- that when I give and give of my time, efforts, etc without giving anything to myself I'm quickly depleted. Let's get specific- I spent the past weeks doing and giving to everyone else in the form of preparing for vacation, hosting a house guest, keeping my kids entertained while juggling work, even volunteering at church in an area they need help with. As I look back on those two weeks I can clearly see little slots of time that I could have, and should have, taken time for myself or allowed myself time to write/read/just be. One of the best ways I've found to force myself to give myself time, or whatever I need at that moment is to ASK for it. To reach out and ASK my kids to play quietly for 30 minutes upstairs so mom can do some studying/reading...to ASK for that extra help around the house or with my schedule and not saying "I need some help around here" but instead saying "I need you to take one of the kids and get them ready for bed every night including bath, teeth, book" I've learned the hard way that when I extend a vague plea for help I get vague results. So, be specific when you're asking for what you need, recognize those times when you're feeling depleted and if it is alone time you need, take it, if it is time with friends you need...schedule it. Use your friends as alarm clocks--allow them to "bug" you about getting together or ask you how much "me" time you've spent in the past week. It will keep you accountable and gently push you to keep yourself on your own to do list.

What ever happened to "The Lazy Days of Summer?"

When I was young our summers were full of very long hot days spent playing softball, building forts, with the occasional day at the beach or camping trip thrown in. If I close my eyes I can almost feel that East Coast warm ocean breeze and see a hazy sunset over a cornfield. My point being, when I look back on my childhood summers I actually sigh and smile.
I'm not quite sure how, or when it happened, but now my summers are spent juggling sports tournaments, trips, this BBQ, that b-day party, and oh yeah- there is that thing called my job on top of it all...When my children grow up, how will they feel when they think back on their summers? My sincere hope is that they remember the FUN and not the tension surrounding all of these trips and that "hurry up!- we're late for ___" doesn't echo in their minds on top of their visual memories. Each night before they go to sleep I ask my kids "What was the best part of your day?" This is something I started doing when my now 7 year old was 2. I love hearing what they have to say each night. At the end of this summer I'm going to ask each of them what the best part of their summer was. I am dying to know what stood out to them. I think we all want so badly for our kids to experience things were didn't as children, and sometimes in doing so we overload/over schedule/over commit ourselves right into Fall!
Then I turn that thought onto myself. The first thing that stands out about my summer is the amount of WORK it takes on my part to make these trips, events, outings happen. I truly appreciate the experiences and love watching my kids see a new place for the first time, etc. However, I am being pulled (as I'm sure many of you reading this are) to find a way to put as much effort into having time at home with my children as I do planning these trips, rushing to sporting events, and putting so much red ink onto my calendar each summer.
I think an excellent way for us to treat ourselves well is to start saying "No" more often, especially during the summer. This is coming from the multi-tasking Queen mind you, but I do get a sense of peace when I know on a Saturday morning that there are no plans, and we can glide through a long summer day. I don't think in this day and age we can expect to recapture the long summer days of our youth, but I certainly believe we can re-create just a few of those days in between the chaos!

Do you know what your passion is?

In the past week I spoke with an extremely busy and overwhelmed mom. As I was conducting what really became an interview with her she said something that sent my "say what?" antenna up. After going through at least 20 excuses of why she just can't put more attention on herself and create a better quality of life, she blurts out-- "I don't even know what I like to do!" huh? This turn in the conversation led me to a line of questioning that would pull out some of the things that are important to her and provide enjoyment such as "Tell me about a recent time that you remember the feeling of peace or contentment-even if it was for only a few moments". In the end we determined that she has a deep level of peace when she is in nature and we discussed ways that she could do some of the things she does currently, but take them outdoors. Now you may be saying "I know what I like, what my hobbies are, what is important to me"...do you? Do you truly know what you're passionate about? I am currently reading a book called The Passion Test. Before I picked it up I thought I was 100% clear on what was important to me, however, after taking their "test" at the beginning of the book it became apparent that although I had an idea of what I wanted to focus on in my life, I wasn't clear on the specific ways I could fulfill my passions/goals. I highly recommend this book to every single person out there to either define your passions, or to become much more clear about what you will chose to put your focus on in this lifetime. Before you can take action to treat yourself well, you must determine what makes your heart sing!

What are your excuses???

So...what are your excuses for not putting your own joy and fulfillment first? I have TONS- my kids' schedules/work stress/my house needs cleaning/you name it....I have them. Notice how I didn't call them reasons, I called them excuses? I've learned over time that is exactly what they are-I used to be convinced the excuses were completely valid reasons that "showed" how I was unable to do anything for myself--I mean--how could I sacrifice my poor child by telling him he cannot attend yet another birthday party because Mom wants to get a pedicure or go to the gym? right? Is this the mode in which you live perhaps? I did too, and admittedly some days still fall into it, however I'm happy to say in the big picture I've snapped out of it. Just this past holiday weekend for instance...It would have SOOOO easy for me to back out of what I had planned for myself due to my kids chaotic sports schedules, and the old me would have, trust me. Instead, I kept myself focused on my goal of keeping time blocked out Monday morning and when that time came I completely let go of what happened before and what would happen after I got home and found that my kids may still be in their pj's at noon or had chips for breakfast.
Think about what you want to do for yourself--maybe it's learn a new skill/lose weight/try yoga/read more/spend time with your girlfriends....Take that thought then ask yourself "Am I just talking about this or am I taking action steps to accomplishing it?" "Am I telling everyone a good story full of excuses or am I able to share with others the positive news of reaching goals?" The point is...are you interested in what is it you want to do for yourself, or are you committed to it? In case you haven't picked up on it yet, this is the common thread for this week- in women who treat themselves well-each one I've met is/was committed to what they set out to do and believe me, their commitment was tested and stretched in many ways, but they have the ability to refocus and keep going--their passion for their goal kept them moving forward.
To quote one my favorite speakers James Ray..."If you're not growing, you're dying"
hmmmmm......

Can helping others actually help you?

Helping others reach their goals will actually help you reach yours and allow you to live a fuller life.
OK-I realize this may seem as if I'm going against the grain here since this blog is focused on treating yourself well, but stay with me..when I say "helping others" I am not speaking of wiping your kids' noses, getting them dressed, picking up after Fido in the yard, etc. I'm talking about helping others either through random acts of kindness or through charity. I hear you asking yourself "How can it possibly help me treat myself well/better if I'm giving even more of myself to a charity?" Consider this:
If you want happiness for an hour—take a nap.If you want happiness for a day—go fishing.If you want happiness for a month—get married.If you want happiness for a year—inherit a fortune.If you want happiness for a lifetime—help someone else.– Chinese Proverb
This has been yet another common thread I found with the women I've interviewed who are happy and treat themselves well. They live a fuller life by helping others in hundreds of different ways. So next time you experience negative thoughts/feelings take a minute and look up....look around....by helping someone else, even in the smallest way, you'll bring in more joy and fullfillment to your own life.

so far....

I've heard some good examples of busy women/moms/wives taking care of themselves so far and I'm excited to hear more stories. A few of the common threads I'm hearing are spending time with other women/girlfriends who are postive. This is a major source of support....surrounding yourself with people who lift your spirits and avoiding those who tend to "suck the life right out of you" with their negativity is another common example I'm hearing out there....we all encounter those people in our lives, but finding ways to shield yourself from toxic negativity is highly important. Another example of a busy woman who I think has it together is she said she decided to STOP allowing herself to put work/family/etc first. She told me once she made the shift in focus that it became quite easy to find time to do things for herself. I'll be sharing more in depth stories as I interview women. Please send your full story to louevans4504@msn.com

Connecting with other busy women

I don't know about you but as I was growing up my mother stayed at home with four kids and life was much more simple. These days I find myself trying to figure out, as I'm driving home from work at warp speed to get one of my kids to soccer, gymnastics, golf, basketball, and who knows what else how in world I got here. "Here" being this place of constant movement and chaos. "Here" being juggling a stressful job with my young children's school and activity schedule. "Here" being a day to day life of the same question....."When will it be my turn to play?"So much is expected of women now and I'm not saying I am not up to the challenge...I am. However, to live at this pace and live the life of a person who is able to care for themselves as well as others I've learned the hard way is to reach out.This is why I've started a blog to collect stories from women all over the world. I want to know what your daily life is like, if you had a turning point where you realized investing in yourself was something you must put into your schedule, ways you take/make time, what you do, how it makes you feel.....I'm sure you get the picture. My goal is to have a collection of 100 or more inspirational and uplifting stories to share. I'll be blogging weekly- and talking about what I learn as I go along.